Learn about some of your established patterns of behaviour in relationships
Introduction
Attachment styles play a crucial role in how we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. Developed in early childhood, these patterns of relating to others can significantly impact our adult relationships, affecting how we express love, handle conflicts, advocate for ourselves, and seek support.
For polyamorous or open relationship models, attachment styles can play out in ways that might feel confusing or overwhelming at times. We are capable of leaning towards one attachment style in one relationship and a different attachment style in a separate relationship at the same time. This goes to show that we are not necessarily fixed to a single attachment style and that through skill development we can remain as close to a secure style as possible.
Learning about your attachment styles can help you understand how your own behaviours are either helping you or holding you back sometimes. While we all mostly want to feel secure in relationships, it’s also very normal to sway between anxious and avoidant at times depending on how our life is going.
There is nothing inherently bad or good about how we engage in patterns of behaviour so be gentle with yourself as you learn more.
*NOTE: This assessment is meant to be a personal exploration into your attachment style and is not intended to be used as a diagnostic tool––or to treat, cure or prevent any condition.
The Four Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment:
Balanced and Confident Characterized by trust, emotional openness, and a healthy balance between intimacy and independence.
Anxious Attachment:
Sensitive and Caring Marked by a strong desire for closeness, fear of abandonment, and heightened emotional sensitivity.
Avoidant Attachment:
Independent and Self-Reliant Defined by a preference for independence, discomfort with deep emotional intimacy, and self-reliance.
Disorganised Attachment:
Complex and Insightful Characterized by conflicting desires for closeness and distance, often stemming from complex early experiences.
Dive deeper into each attachment style by clicking on the links above. Each article provides a comprehensive overview, including:
- Detailed explanations of the attachment style
- Key characteristics and behaviors
- Benefits and challenges
- Tips for personal growth
- Strategies for interacting with other attachment styles
- Recommended resources for further learning
Recommended Further Resources
To deepen your understanding of attachment styles and their impact on relationships, we recommend the following resources:
Books:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love – by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller A comprehensive guide to understanding attachment theory in adult relationships.
Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Build a Secure Relationship – by Stan Tatkin Explores how neuroscience and attachment styles interact in romantic relationships.
The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships – by Diane Poole Heller Offers insights and exercises for healing attachment wounds and building secure connections.
Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families – by Susan M. Johnson A clinical resource that applies attachment theory to therapeutic practice.
Online Resources:
- The Attachment Project – Offers articles, quizzes, and resources on various attachment styles.
- PsychAlive – Provides numerous articles on attachment and relationships.
YouTube Channels:
- Personal Development School – Thais Gibson – Offers in-depth videos on attachment styles and personal growth.
- The School of Life – Provides philosophical perspectives on relationships and attachment.
- Therapy in a Nutshell – Offers practical tips for improving mental health and relationships.
Podcasts:
- Attachment Theory in Action with Karen Doyle Buckwalter – Interviews with experts in the field of attachment.
- Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel – Real couples anonymously record their conversations with a therapist, often touching on attachment issues.
Remember, while these resources can provide valuable insights, it’s always recommended to consult with a qualified mental health professional for personalized advice and support, especially when dealing with complex attachment issues
