Books we recommend
Take a look at some of the books that we recommended for relationships, general mental health, and LGBTQIA+ specific support. We have gathered these books because we care about evidence-based education and safe life-style practices. Please take anything you read with a grain of salt and consider what’s right for you first.
All resources have been vetted prior to being added to our list, but as things change and progress in the world around us, changes may be needed. If you have any suggestions for additional resources or concerns about what you see here (or if you’d just like to say ‘hi’), please reach out to us at contact@unisonmentalhealth.com.
Hold Me Tight
"Hold Me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson explains how adult romantic relationships are driven by our fundamental need for emotional connection and security, with most conflicts stemming from underlying attachment fears rather than surface-level disagreements. Johnson identifies the negative cycles couples get trapped in and presents seven key conversations that can help partners recognize these patterns, access their deeper emotions, and create new cycles of closeness. The book combines attachment theory research with practical tools to help couples build lasting, secure relationships by addressing the core human need for emotional safety and responsiveness.
Polysecure
"Polysecure" by psychotherapist Jessica Fern is a groundbreaking book that extends attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy and polyamory, addressing how to build secure, healthy relationships with multiple partners. Fern emphasizes the importance of cultivating secure attachment with yourself before diving into multiple relationships, using her nested model of attachment and trauma to expand understanding of how emotional experiences influence relationships. The book offers a practical roadmap to becoming "polysecure"—feeling healthy and grounded in secure attachment—and provides six specific strategies to help readers move toward secure attachments in their multiple relationships.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents : How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable, showing how these parents create a sense of neglect in their children. The book, first published in 2015, proposes a pathway to healing from the damaging effects of growing up with parents who were distant, rejecting or self-involved. Gibson helps readers understand the patterns of emotional immaturity, recognize how their childhood experiences shaped them, and provides practical strategies for healing from the pain and confusion caused by having emotionally unavailable parents.
Attached
"Attached" by psychiatrist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller reveals how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. The book explores how our attachment styles impact our relationships, providing insights into why we are attracted to certain people and how to build more secure relationships while avoiding common pitfalls. Levine and Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly while others struggle, using attachment theory to help readers improve their romantic connections.
How Emotions Are Made : The Secret Life of the Brain
"How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain" by neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett challenges the traditional view that emotions are hardwired and universal, instead presenting revolutionary research showing that emotions are constructed in the moment by core systems that interact across the whole brain, aided by a lifetime of learning. Barrett's theory could revolutionize psychology, health care, law enforcement, and our understanding of the human mind by demonstrating that emotions feel automatic but are actually created by our brains based on past experiences and predictions. The book reveals that we play a much greater role in our emotional lives than previously thought, fundamentally changing how we understand the nature of human emotion and consciousness.
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated : The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
"Come As You Are: Revised and Updated" by sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski is a groundbreaking book that uses scientific research to challenge common myths about women's sexuality and desire. The book's first lesson is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in their anatomy, sexual response mechanisms, and the way their bodies respond to the sexual world. Using actual science, Nagoski breaks down misconceptions about sex, desire, and drive, helping readers understand that they are normal and providing tools to transform their sexual experiences.
Come Together : The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections
"Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections" by Dr. Emily Nagoski is an illuminating exploration of how to maintain a happy sex life in a long-term relationship, building on her previous work on women's sexuality. The book takes on the fundamentally misunderstood subject of sex in long-term relationships, addressing the struggles most couples face in maintaining sexual connection with their partners and challenging common myths about how desire works over time. Nagoski breaks down the myths many of us have been taught about sex, particularly the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship, providing science-backed guidance for creating lasting sexual intimacy.
Wherever You Go, There You Are : Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
"Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life" by Jon Kabat-Zinn is a foundational guide to mindfulness and meditation that introduces readers to the practice and guides them through the process, first published in 1994 and becoming a bestseller that has influenced millions of readers. Kabat-Zinn, a professor emeritus of medicine, talks of mindfulness as learning to pay attention moment by moment, intentionally and with curiosity and compassion, explaining meditation as a scientifically established practice that can help reduce stress and improve cognitive function. The book offers practical strategies for incorporating mindfulness into daily life, arguing that many of us exist in a constant state of distraction and need to learn how to be present in the moment.
It Didn't Start with You : How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
"It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn explores how traumatic experiences from previous generations can be biologically inherited and passed down through families, affecting our health, behaviors, and emotional patterns in ways we may not understand. The book documents the latest epigenetic research showing how traumatic memories are transmitted through chemical changes in DNA, combining advances in neuroscience and language science to provide an accessible guide for breaking inherited family patterns. Wolynn presents his Core Language Approach with practical tools including diagnostic self-inventories and genogram techniques to help readers identify and resolve trauma patterns that originated generations before their birth.
Hurts So Good The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose
"Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose" by journalist and researcher Leigh Cowart explores the fascinating phenomenon of why people consent to experience pain, examining activities from ballet class to eating wildly hot chili peppers, arguing that masochism is a very human behavior that only sometimes has anything to do with sex. Through participating in these activities themselves and conversations with psychologists and fellow scientists, Cowart unveils how our minds and bodies find meaning and relief in pain—a quirk in our programming that drives discipline and innovation. The book combines scientific research with visceral personal experiences to examine how intentional pain-seeking behaviors reveal fundamental aspects of human psychology and physiology.
Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities
"Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities" by David M. Ortmann and Richard A. Sprott delves into the unique experiences of individuals in BDSM communities, exploring how BDSM sexuality cuts across race, gender, nationality, and sexual orientation despite prevailing misunderstandings. Written by a psychotherapist specializing in kink-friendly sex therapy and a research psychologist, the book offers a nonjudgmental glimpse into the world of BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism) in a supportive tone. The book serves as a guide for BDSM community members navigating unique challenges including coming out to family and friends, distinguishing healthy consensual relationships from abusive ones, finding community, and overcoming shame.
Help For High-Conflict Couples Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection
"Help for High-Conflict Couples: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection" by Jennine Estes Powell and Jacqueline Wielick is a research-based roadmap based in attachment theory and evidence-based Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) that helps high-conflict couples break free from painful and destructive habits. The book is endorsed by EFT pioneer Sue Johnson and serves as a guide for couples looking to break out of destructive patterns and build emotionally safe and secure attachments. The authors help readers uncover the root causes of conflict and provide actionable EFT-based techniques and exercises to address conflict and enhance emotional intimacy.
